Dear Cory: Former Friend Turned Frenemy is Ruining My Life!
My first observation, based on what you’ve told me, is that you shouldn’t even be giving this psychopath “frenemy” of yours the honor of being deemed a “frenemy”, let alone a “friend” (or former/high school friend). The fact that you’re even using terms like “frenemy” or “friend” to describe this nutjob stalker is disturbing because those terms imply, at the very least, that the person you’re referring to has some redeeming qualities, and as far as I can tell (again, from what you’ve told me), this “Jenny” character has none (at least that I’m aware of). As such, she should be placed squarely in the enemy category, not the “frenemy” or “former friend” categories, both of which are apparently too good for her.
Friends don’t berate us or make themselves feel better by putting us down; they encourage us and uplift us (in other words, help us feel better and be better, by their presence in our lives)—or at least they’re supposed to. The only legitimate reason there is to even have friends is to make our lives better (as in, more enjoyable), so if you find that having “friends” (or “frenemies”) like “Jenny” around actually makes your life worse (or less enjoyable), then you really need to consider the possibility that your “problem” isn’t so much that your “friends” are assholes, but rather that you have a very bad habit of picking assholes for “friends” or attracting them into your life. Going forward, this whole idea that you’ve attracted people like “Jenny” to you, and what you can do to fix that, is what I’m going to focus on.
In this Universe of ours, there exists a metaphysical law known as The Law of Attraction (with metaphysics being the science of how the things that are unseen become the things that are seen). What the law basically states that “like attracts like” or, in other words, that we attract to ourselves the people, places, things, and circumstances that are in alignment (or harmony) with our most earnest beliefs (or thoughts) and our most deeply held convictions (or feelings). In physical terms, this translates into all people, places, things, and circumstances us falling into one of three categories:
- Those that are attracted to (or drawn into) us
- Those that are repulsed by (or driven away from) us
- Those that don’t exist (in terms of their existence to us personally)
“Jenny” clearly falls into the attracted category, as evidenced by her physical existence in your life, which means that while she isn’t necessarily attracted to you, per say, she is definitely attracted to the essence of who or what you are or, in other words, the vibration (or “vibes”) that you give off. Were this to not be the case, she’d be either repulsed by you or essentially “dead” to you instead, in which case you’d either find her as far away from you as possible, or completely non-existent, insofar as your personal, physical reality would be concerned.
Being that we now know that “Jenny” is attracted to you (or something about you), the next, most logical question becomes “Why?” In other words, what is it exactly that has compelled “Jenny” to stalk and harass you and follow you around for the last 10 years? I can answer that in three words:
It’s your beliefs.
To be more specific, it’s your thoughts and your feelings which, together, form your beliefs. So if you want to change your life (to one that is “Jenny”-free), you need to start by changing your beliefs.
Without ever having met you personally, and going completely off of the four-paragraph letter you wrote, I can surmise that you believe that “Jenny” or people like her are “out to get you”, that the world is a cruel place full of cold-hearted people that want to “ruin” your life, and that other people are actually capable of “ruining” of life. Whether or not those things are objectively true (which I can tell you right now that they’re not), they are true for you, and because they’re true for you, they physically manifest themselves physically in your life in the form of people, places, things, and circumstances that you may claim you don’t want.
Here’s the kicker: This Universe of ours doesn’t care about what you do or don’t want. In fact, it doesn’t care about anything and acts simply as a manifestation machine of sorts (no pun intended) that takes our most earnest beliefs and compresses them into physical people, places, things, and circumstances. Another way of thinking of it is that it takes our habitual thoughts and feelings (the ones we hold onto the longest and the hardest) and turns them into our personal reality. This is very important for you to understand, because it means that when you are obsessing over “Jenny” in any way, shape, or form, you are sending a message to the Universe that you want more “Jenny”, regardless of whether you say you want it or don’t want it.
Understand this: When you think or say things constantly, such as “I don’t want Jenny in my life anymore!”, the Universe doesn’t “hear” the word “don’t”; in fact, all it “hears” is what I would call the focus word (the word with the most conviction behind it) in whatever it is you’re thinking or saying—which, in this example, is “Jenny”. Accordingly, “Jenny” is what it gives you. As such, if you’re looking for someone or something to blame for “Jenny” being so ever-present in your life, look no further than yourself.
Now, I know may have been told that if you ignore “Jenny”, she’ll go away, and that is actually true, but what you’ve been doing is not ignoring her. While you claim to be “not responding” to her, because you believe that doing so would be “giving her what she wants”, you’ve failed to realize that you writing this letter is a response, even if not directly to her. From a metaphysical standpoint, it matters not whether you respond directly or indirectly to “Jenny”—the only thing that matters (in terms of kick-starting the manifestation process that results in actual physical matter) is the fact that you are focusing on “Jenny”. Additionally, the idea that you have chosen to “not respond” is patently ridiculous from both a physical and a metaphysical standpoint, as even the act of “not responding” is a response—and the most cowardly one possible at that.
In any and all situations, you always have a choice (even if you have a proverbial gun to your head): You can either make conscious choices, which means you decide what to do based on what you actually want, or you can default (or choose not to choose), in which case you let others make your decisions for you. In the case of you and “Jenny”, you have clearly defaulted. As such, you are not a victim but a volunteer, and you’ve brought this situation upon yourself.
By playing the “victim card” every day, you get to blame everyone and everything other than you (in this case “Jenny”) for your “problems” and, in doing so, absolve yourself of any and all responsibility for the things that happen to you. While you may have thought you were making your life easier by doing this, you were actually (probably unbeknownst to you) making it infinitely more difficult, because as I alluded to earlier, the things that happen to you don’t just happen by “dumb luck”, “random chance”, or “coincidence”—they happen because you’ve made them happen, by way of your belief system—and by you not taking responsibility for them, you are effectively placing yourself at the mercy of others (many of whom, like “Jenny”, would seek to do you harm). Now, don’t me wrong: “Jenny” is 100% responsible for the things she’s said and done to you, and I’m not giving her a free pass in this situation at all, but she is not, nor will she ever be responsible for the choices you make. She’s also not responsible for how you feel, because no one—and I mean no one—has the power to “make” us feel anything, unless we give that power to them.
As I always say, personal responsibility is the cornerstone of all success, and a big part of being personally responsible is owning the things you actually have control over in your life: Your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, words, and actions. If you don’t exert control over these things, then I guarantee you that someone else (like “Jenny”) will. So it’s up to you: You can either continue to play the “victim card” and make “Jenny” responsible for, as you put, “[making you] feel worse”, or you can take ownership of your own life, possibly for the first time ever, and actually start getting what you want instead of what others want for you.
If you really want to live a “Jenny”-free existence, you need to start by making better, more conscious choices and by understanding that no one— “Jenny” or otherwise—just “pops up out of the blue”. They “pop up” (or more accurately, physically manifest themselves) in our lives, because we invite them in by creating a vibrational environment that feels like “home” to them. So the obvious solution to your “Jenny” problem here is to stop being so “hospitable” to her and to stop giving her what she really wants (and what everyone really wants) which is vibrational alignment. If you can do that—if you can shift or change your vibration so that you fall out of alignment with her—then she will be repulsed and your “problem” will essentially take care of itself.
So how do you get out of alignment with “Jenny”, you ask? You do it by “raising” your own vibration to the point where it makes her uncomfortable, and you do that by focusing not on “Jenny” (or anything “Jenny-related”) but on something—anything—else, and it doesn’t even matter what it is, so long as it makes you feel good (or at least better than thoughts of “Jenny” do). Once you are in a “higher”, happier place in your life—vibrationally-speaking—negative people like “Jenny” will be automatically repulsed by you and will most likely never “pop up” in your life to begin with (and if they do, will show themselves out of it very quickly).
- Get new, better friends (no more “frenemies”)
- Make conscious choices about what you want (no more defaulting)
- Own your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, words, and actions (no more “victim card”)
- Focus on things that make you feel good/raise your vibration (no more “Jenny”)
Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to be here today! I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Please leave a comment below and tell me how you feel about this post, or better yet, visit its sister thread in the Manifestation Machine Forum and join the discussion about the topics covered herein. I can’t wait to hear from you, and neither can the millions upon millions of your fellow Mechanics!