Dear Cory: Help! I Can’t Stop Taking My Anger Out On My Kids Every Day After Work!
The first thing I want to tell you is that I do not believe you are a bad mother, and it is quite obvious (at least to me) that your children are not the root cause of your anger and that you love them very much. That being said, you have obviously been taking out your anger on your children and, like you, I would like to see that stop, so the first thing we need to do is figure out what it is—since we know it’s not your kids—that is actually making you so angry. And you know what? I’ve already got it figured out.
It’s your work.
You said it yourself: You don’t get angry until about an hour after you’ve gotten home from work, and that tells me that you, like 99% of people who go to work just for the paycheck, hate your job, whatever it may be. Let me guess…waitress? Bank teller? Customer service representative? Oh, wait; don’t tell me—Kirby vacuum sales person (they got you with their whole “unlimited income” spiel, didn’t they?)!
Really, it doesn’t matter what shitty job you have—the point is that it is your job that is causing you to feel so angry and not your children, so the obvious solution to your anger “problem” is to trade your current one in for one you actually enjoy (or at least one that doesn’t turn you into a ticking time bomb ready to explode every day as soon as you get home).
Now, you may be thinking “That’s easier said than done”, to which I’d respond: Of course it is! Everything is easier said than done, but that’s not an excuse for you to continue to take your anger and hate for your job out on your children. They didn’t choose your job for you. And you know what else? Neither did your employer.
You are the one who chose your shitty job and you are the one who chooses every day to get up and continue to show up at it rather than, say, putting in applications elsewhere (or starting your own business, as I have) or going back to school/taking classes to develop more valuable skills that could help you find a more enjoyable profession. Because you dug this hole for yourself, you’re going to have to dig yourself out, and the way you do that is by taking responsibility for the terrible decisions you have thus far made, with regards to what you do for work, and quit your job.
“Wait a minute!” you might be saying to yourself right now, “Did Cory just tell me to quit my job?”
Why, yes. Yes, I did. Because that is exactly what most people in your position need to do to feel happy, but are far too cowardly to do.
“But what about my bills, Cory?” I can hear you screaming, “I can’t just not work! I have bills to pay!”
And I understand that; I really do….we all have bills to pay, but guess what? Those bills of yours are just as much your fault as your shitty job is (I mean, really, do you really need high speed Internet or 100% organic food? Hell, I prefer organic food myself, but even I must admit that I don’t eat 100% organic everything). But listen—I’m not telling you to not pay your bills and I’m not telling you to cut off your Internet service, to sell one of your vehicles, or to switch to eating nothing but Ramen noodles (although, let’s be serious here, you could do that and free up a lot of cash); what I’m telling you is that if your shitty job is the primary source—the root cause, if you will—of your anger, then you need to address it, and I just so happen to believe that the best way to do that is by quitting it.
Now, I’m not necessarily saying that you have to quit tomorrow or that you need to quit without some kind of a backup plan (as in, another job lined up), but you know what? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t necessarily do those things, either, because in my experience (which, when it comes to quitting jobs without notice, is quite extensive), quitting a job you hate with absolutely no notice (what I like to call “jumping without a safety net”) is the best and most efficient way to create a vacuum (a.k.a. a giant, gaping hole in your life), which this wonderful Universe of ours can then fill with something better (whatever that may be, or whatever that may mean to you).
Perhaps you’ve heard the saying “The Universe abhors a vacuum”? Well, it’s true. So any time you quit a job, the Universe can’t help but immediately start to fill the giant, gaping hole you’ve created in your life with whatever you believe (on a subconscious level) to be best for you at that point in time. Now, that could mean a less stressful, higher paying job with better hours and better benefits…it could mean an opportunity (or opportunities, plural) to start your own business or become self-employed like me…or it could mean you becoming “unemployed” for a little while, while you figure out what exactly you really want to do with the rest of your life.
Picture your life, or your current situation, like a submarine, cruising around beneath the surface of the ocean. The outside of the submarine is like your current belief system and all of your fears that are keeping you trapped in the job you hate, the air inside the submarine is like your shitty job (which you mistakenly believe you need to live), and the water outside the submarine is like an ocean (no pun intended) of infinite possibilities. So long as the outer shell of the submarine (a.k.a. the prison of your mind) doesn’t spring a leak, the inside of it (your life) will stay filled with oxygen (i.e.: your shitty job) rather than the water outside of it (i.e.: an unlimited number of exciting opportunities that you aren’t even aware of right now).
But what happens if the submarine springs a leak?
You guessed it: The water (or ocean of infinite possibilities) begins flooding in, whether you like it or not.
Now, some people, like me (people who prefer to control what we can actually control in our lives), prefer to spring our own leaks (to poke holes in the proverbial outer shell of our own mental submarines) when it “gets too stuffy” (as in, when we simply can’t stand our shitty jobs any longer), while others (cowards, in my honest opinion) prefer to wait until their oxygen runs out (i.e.: they get fired, most likely for behaving in a passive-aggressive fashion toward their employer, after having hated their job for years) and they are essentially forced to punch a hole in the side of their submarine to escape imminent death. Either way, it’s not a matter of if the flood is coming, but when (because employers can only put up with passive-aggressive employees who hate their jobs for so long), and so the question you need to ask yourself isn’t “Can I afford to quit my job?” but “Can I afford to be fired?”
Look—I understand the fear (even though I would never personally make a decision based on it) of quitting a job when you have mouths to feed besides your own, but if you want the new (and better) to make its way into your life, then you have to let go of the old. And while I’d love for you to have the guts that I’ve had when I’ve quit nearly every part-time and full-time job I’ve ever had (I’d need at least five hands to count them all) with no notice, I understand that you have your children to think of, so here is what I recommend:
Even if you believe you “can’t afford” to simply pick up the phone tomorrow, call your boss, and tell him/her to “take this job and shove it” (even though I know that, in reality, you can afford to do this, but are simply too afraid and too untrusting of the Universe at this time to do so), you can still let go of it mentally—which means committing to the quitting of your shitty job, beginning to actively seek employment or professional opportunities elsewhere, and visualizing the way you really want your life to be post whatever-it-is-you-do-right-now—thereby paving the way for you to let of it physically (hopefully in the very near future). But make no mistake about it: Eventually, and in accordance with Universal law, you will need to let go of your shitty job physically (i.e.: completely), otherwise you will only be denying yourself the happiness you truly deserve and which I’m sure your entire family (including your children) want you to find.
In conclusion, you need to ask yourself: As scary as it may be for you to leave your shitty job (or to even think about leaving it), what’s scarier? That? or the possibility that you could spend the rest of your life taking your anger out on your innocent children? As great of a mom as you obviously are, I think you know the answer to that, and you know what you need to do.
Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to be here today! I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Please leave a comment below and tell me how you feel about this post, or better yet, visit its sister thread in the Manifestation Machine Forum and join the discussion about the topics covered herein. I can’t wait to hear from you, and neither can the millions upon millions of your fellow Mechanics!