Success by Association (How to Cut the Losers from Your Life So You Can Start Winning)
Take a look around you. Who do you see?
If it’s a whole lot of people you don’t admire, who don’t inspire you, and/or who don’t push you to be a better, stronger, more successful version of yourself, or worse, that you don’t even like, then I love (and yes, I said love, not hate, because it’s tough love time here) to break it you: You are going to eventually become just like those people, assuming you haven’t already.
If you’re not scared yet, well, you should be, assuming you have any worthy goals, dreams, or ambitions whatsoever, because we’re talking about you becoming:
- Your angry, drunken, and abusive father
- Your anxiety-ridden mother
- Your needy, jealous, and over-reactive significant other
- Your lazy, uninspired, and under-employed sibling
- Your so-called friend who only calls you when they need something
- That fat person at the gym that, ironically, tries to give you weight loss tips
- Your gossipy co-workers who talk shit behind everyone else’s backs
- Your egomaniac boss who treats people like gum stuck to the bottom of his/her shoe
- Etc., etc., etc.
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I’ve heard it said many times, by many people (mostly self-help authors and motivational speakers), that we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. I have found this to be one hundred percent true, but I will take that statement a step further by adding that we actually become the average of everyone we spend time the most time with, including entire groups of people. So if you spend most of your time hobnobbing with high-paid CEO’s, then you can expect to become something of high-paid CEO yourself. Conversely, if you spend most of your time hanging out in online forums or message boards with depressed twenty-somethings who work at McDonald’s and live in their parents’ basements, then you expect to become like them.
Using my own life as an example, in the years 2005-2007, I was very much into an attempt at establishing a musical career for myself as Cory Crush and so, naturally, I surrounded myself with like-minded people. The problem? Many of those “like-minded people” were alcoholics, druggies, and/or criminals. Of course, I, having been brainwashed by popular culture, had thought that being an alcoholic, druggie, or criminal just came with the “starving artist” and “independent musician” territories (especially in the hip-hop/rap genre I was participating in), and so I simply accepted my new friends’ errant (and sometimes criminal) behavior as a fact of life, as something I would just have to deal with.
Unfortunately, as I would learn, it is impossible to spend most of your time with binge drinkers, party animals, and crazy people without them rubbing off on you or (if you spend almost all of your time with them) assimilating you, like the Borg from Star Trek. After many alcohol-fueled recording sessions at my apartment, about a hundred live gigs, for which I was frequently paid with free drinks and drink chips, and numerous after-parties, at which the booze flowed like tap water and the women were not exactly saints, I’d become an alcoholic myself—and the scariest part was that I didn’t even know it, that was, until it was too late.
It wasn’t long after I fell victim to addiction that my burgeoning music career began to suffer, my relationship with my family began to disintegrate, my first marriage (I am now happily re-married, thank you very much) began to fall apart, and I started to do extremely stupid things, like drinking and driving and drinking whiskey on my lunch breaks at work. It wasn’t long before I, I hit rock bottom: I filed for divorce, was arrested twice in three months for driving while drunk, and saw my musical career came crashing down, taking everything I loved and cared about with it. To this day, I don’t know how I managed to stay full-time employed during that time period, or how I managed to not kill myself or someone else with my extremely dangerous behavior, but I thank God every day for seeing me through.
Fast-forward to today: I wouldn’t give me, circa 2007, the time of day, let alone be friends with him. Why? Because he was a complete and total loser, and I don’t want to be anything like him. In fact, I would be ashamed to be seen with him in public. Sure, he might have been a lot of fun to hang around for some people, like the many women who threw themselves at him when he had nearly hit rock bottom because they apparently thought they could “save” him, but somebody like me, circa right now, who is a highly motivated self-starter and serial entrepreneur, wouldn’t be caught dead with somebody like him.
Today, I am happy to report that I barely drink, don’t hang out in bars anymore, and haven’t been in trouble with the law since 2007 (which may very well go down in history as the most painful, destructive year of my life). I am also happy to report that I have cut every single loser—every alcoholic, every druggie, and every crazy, unstable person I’ve ever known—out of my life, and I’ve replaced them with better people; people I admire, people who inspire me, and people who drive me to be a better, stronger version of myself, such as:
- My beautiful wife, who I met in April of 2014 when I was a thirty-something year old, part-time employed man living with his father, who looked past all of my flaws and the mistakes I’ve made and saw me not for who I was, but for who I could be, and who now shares a paid-off house with me and our $300,000+ combined net worth.
- My father-in-law, who is the businessman my biological father (God bless him) never was, a former company President, an avid investor both in real estate and the stock market (something I’d wanted to be for quite some time before I met him), and an all-around great man who has gone out of his way to help me feel like I am truly a part of his family.
- The authors, motivational speakers, peak performance coaches, business people, and self-made success stories I’ve surrounded myself with via YouTube videos for the last four to five years; people who, though I’ve never met them in person, have inspired and motivated me in ways that no one ever has before (or ever could before); people who’ve already done what I want to do, already are what I want to be, and already know what I want to know; people who are better, stronger, smarter, and vastly more experienced than me, in a wide variety of fields.
If it wasn’t for these types of people—the people I spent the most time with—I would not be the man I am today, and I most certainly would not be able to write this post or run this website, nor would I have been capable of creating the Manifestation Machine brand, writing my debut middle grade children’s fiction book (‘Breaking Away: Book One of the Rabylon Series’), or inspiring millions of people around the world, as Low Carb Cory on YouTube, to lose weight, eat healthy, and get (and stay) fit. If it wasn’t for these types of people, I would still be that alcohol-addicted loser I was in 2007, assuming I wouldn’t be dead.
So I implore you: Cut the losers from your life—even if they’re your family members or apparent “best friends”; even if they’re your co-workers and you need to find a new occupation to be rid of them. If they add nothing of value to your life, do nothing but whine or complain, blame everyone and everything but themselves for their problems, have no goals, dreams, or ambitions, are themselves surrounded by losers, and/or make you feel worse when you’re around them and emotionally-drained when they leave you, then unfriend them on Facebook, stop following them on Twitter, delete them from the contacts on your phone, and stop talking to, spending time with, and associating with them immediately.
I understand that this may seem harsh or even extreme—hell, I’d even call it “the nuclear option” for cleaning up your life and paving the way for success—but it is what’s necessary if you are serious about achieving greatness in your lifetime or creating what I call a life worth dying for. Sure, the losers you cut out of your life won’t like it, but that’s their problem, not yours. You are under no obligation whatsoever to keep losers in your life, especially if the only reason you’re doing so is to make them feel better. It is not your job to make them feel better or to keep them happy; that is their job. Being happy is, always has been, and always will be an inside job (we’ll talk more about that in another post sometime), and if your so-called “friends” don’t understand or can’t accept that, then that’s just another good reason to cut them loose.
Now, if you’re anything like me (and you probably are, since you’re reading this), then you may not actually have a lot of friends or may associate only with a very small, tight-knit group of people, in which case it is more imperative than ever that you avoid unlucky, unfriendly, unsuccessful people (a.k.a. losers) like the plague. Remember what I said about you becoming the average of the five people you spend the most time with? What if you only have three really good friends like I do (my wife, father-in-law, and twin brother), but unlike my friends, your friends are losers? Well then, you, my friend, are in a very dire situation, because you are the average of only three people, not five, which means that each of those three people have way too much influence over you for you to afford them being anything other than the most amazing people.
At this point, I should point out that the reason I only have a few very close friends is because, simply put, it can be very difficult to find what I call “good people”, especially when you’re a young person (I’m only 33) who is really just starting out in business and who hasn’t (as of yet) made a lot of connections. The people I desire to surround myself with are people with significantly higher net worths than me and who’ve found significantly more success than I have in my field (not just financially, but physically, emotionally, and spiritually). Unfortunately, I just haven’t found those people (or attracted them to me) yet, but when I do, I assure you that I will make some room for them in my tight-knit circle of friends. My ultimate goal is to create what Napoleon Hill termed a “mastermind group”, made up of me and other like-minded, success-oriented people who will stop at nothing to achieve their dreams of a life worth dying for, and ManifestationMachine.com (and the Manifestation Machine forum) will play a huge role in me achieving that goal.
If, going forward, you find, as I did, that you are having as much trouble as I’ve had in finding or attracting to you the type of people you aspire to be like, look up to, or see as potential mentors, then I highly suggest you do what I’ve done and supplement your “real life” circle of friends (or even outright replace some of the less impressive of your associates) with the same types of authors, motivational speakers, peak performance coaches, business people, and self-made success stories I’ve surrounded myself with via YouTube videos for the last four to five years. These people don’t even need to be alive today, nor is it a requirement that you ever meet them in person—they only need to be people who inspire you, motivate you, speak to your heart, or encourage you to be a better, stronger, more successful version of yourself, and right off the top of my head I can tell you that the following people would be great ones to start with:
If you’re in need of general motivation:
- Napoleon Hill
- Anthony “Tony” Robbins
- Jim Rohn
- Zig Ziglar
- W. Clement Stone
- Stephen Covey
- Andrew Carnegie
If you’re in need of financial/business motivation:
If you’re in need of more metaphysical/spiritual motivation:
- Earl Nightingale
- Stuart Wilde
- Dr. Joseph Murphy
- Neville Goddard
- Florence Scovel Shinn
- Louise Hay
- Dr. Wayne Dyer
- Ernest Holmes
- Thomas Troward
- Genevieve Behrend
- Charles Haanel
- Prentice Mulford
- Emmet Fox
- James Allen
- Deepak Chopra
- Franklin Warren Sears
If you’ve already read or seen ‘The Secret’ and need “more advanced” motivation:
All you need to do is a search on YouTube for any of the above people, and you will find, at your fingertips, a plethora, a wealth, nay, a smorgasbord of motivation, inspiring stories, knowledge, wisdom, tips, tricks, and secrets relative to success in every area of your life. Personally, my favorites are Napoleon Hill, T. Harv Eker, Earl Nightingale, Stuart Wilde, Dr. Joseph Murphy, Neville Goddard, Florence Scovel Shinn, Robert Greene, and William Walker Atkinson (I am very much into the metaphysical/spiritual aspects of success, and most, if not all, of these people speak to those aspects), but you would be hard pressed to go wrong with any of the potential supplemental friends I have hereby named for you.
If ever you are feeling down, depressed, or like you lack motivation or inspiration, YouTube search or Google search for these people, and if your results work anything for you like mine have for me, you will soon find yourself being not the average of only three to five close friends or a large group of losers, but rather an entire network of highly successful people from all around the world who have nothing but good things to say to you and great things to teach you about how great your life can be. Eventually, you will become better, stronger, and more successful, seemingly through osmosis, just by associating yourselves with these people, and you will begin to attract their “real life” equivalents into your life. And that, my friend, is when you’ll know, without a doubt, that you are truly successful.
Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to be here today! I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Please leave a comment below and tell me how you feel about this post, or better yet, visit its sister thread in the Manifestation Machine Forum and join the discussion about the topics covered herein. I can’t wait to hear from you, and neither can the millions upon millions of your fellow Mechanics!